Dear Vitamin C –
I just had to take my SATs for the second time thanks to my parents. I feel so much pressure that I don’t think I even want to go to college anymore. Some of my friends feel the same way. Why does it feel like my parents care more about my test scores than me? How can I talk to my parents about this and tell them I don’t want to go to college now?
Thank you, Pressured
Dear Pressured –
I understand why you are feeling so pressured. The whole college process can be overwhelming. Although it may not feel like it what you experience as pressure is resulting from your parent’s love for you and their desire for you to have all you need to make it to the next level. Often parent’s lead with their fear and worry in how they communicate with their kids. And, their underlying motivation of love unfortunately does not get heard. One similar example is “Hey, don’t forget to put on your coat, I don’t want you to get a cold.” Their intention is based on love but rarely is that message heard. What most likely is heard is “Mom and Dad are on my back again.” When communication is based on fear or worry, it usually generates more of the same. Let your parents know that you appreciate their support but that their worry is causing you to feel pressured. Let them also know that it feels like they are more focused on what you are “doing” than who you are or who you are becoming. And, when you do talk with them don’t forget to lead with love.
Yours – Vitamin C