Dear Vitamin C –
My boyfriend and I have recently moved in together. It was all going fine in the beginning but then we started fighting over the smallest and most ridiculous things like household chores, wet towels on the floor, expenses and yes even putting the cap back on the toothpaste! Is this a sign that we shouldn’t be together? Should we just break up and move on?
Thank you – Feeling Incompatible
Dear Feeling Incompatible –
Before you throw in the wet towel on your relationship look a little closer at what is triggering the arguments and what is causing the power struggles. Some common triggers are: your values are being compromised, you feel dismissed, you feel your partner doesn’t have your back or you fear losing independence, being controlled, feeling vulnerable… If each of you identifies your triggers you should be able to have deeper conversations rather than fighting about small things.
Power struggles can be toxic to a relationship. One question to ask yourself is: “Am I more focused on control or connection”? If your ideal/dream relationship is one of peace and harmony then think about ways in which you can achieve that end. The most harmonious relationships are built on generosity. At times one partner is doing more than the other but there is an understanding that it all comes out in the wash. The shift from control to connection can be as simple as the generous act of buying separate tubes of toothpaste.
Yours – Vitamin C