Dear Vitamin C –
An old boyfriend recently died unexpectedly and I want to go to the funeral but my husband says “no.” I don’t want to risk starting a fight but I really want to support his family during this tough time and say “goodbye.” Should I go?
Sincerely – Grieving
Dear Grieving –
I am sorry for your loss. Before making a decision about attending the funeral first get curious and ask your husband about his concerns. Sometimes just talking from a place of curiosity rather than confrontationally can resolve differences. If he still doesn’t want you to go to the funeral and his reasoning is based on fear, lack of trust or lack of control then your relationship may have a power imbalance. If this type of power struggle is a pattern in your relationship then seeking help from a therapist or counselor would be advisable. When one partner seeks to control the other partner, then connection between the partners is lost. In secure relationships, however, each partner has the freedom of individual expression including the freedom to grieve for someone he or she once cared about.
Yours – Vitamin C